2/20/2007

How To Write Chick Lit In Ten Easy Steps

Maureen Dowd has come under fire. Again. This time for making the audacious statement that "chick lit" has overtaken the bookstore shelves. She judges the genre as fluffy at best, and bemoans the dumbing-down of American literature, noting that "I even found Sylvia Plath's "The Bell Jar" with chick-lit pretty-in-pink lettering."

Commentators and chick lit fans everywhere are taking up (exfoliated and moisturized) arms over her dismissal of the vag-centric books. Novelists and their readers seem to feel that Dowd's column was an opening shot, and taken to the flame war to both intelligently defend their the niche and make juvenile personal attacks against the journalist.

I find all of this to be incredibly ironic. The day before her column appeared, I had just sent off an email saying almost exactly what Maureen Dowd printed. As I read the New York Times piece, I wondered if the journo hadn't truly fallen on hard times and was resorting to stealth email reading programs for her next controversial scoop.

The only exception I take with Dowd's column is that she's, frankly, several years late to the party. Her anchor hub for the chick-lit movement is the ubiquitous The Devil Wears Prada. Anyone who's cruised the endcaps and displays of a bookstore within the past ten years knows that the genre took over those areas like kudzu years earlier, with books such as Bridget Jones's Diary and The Girls' Guide to Hunting and Fishing. (For the record, I'll go ahead and say that I actually enjoyed "The Girls' Guide..." when I read it in 1999.)

With all due respect to chick lit novelists and readers, I have to say that I find their impassioned defense of the genre to be haughty and without merit. By and large, this is not the great literature of our time. This is not the cutting-edge prose of the 'zipless fuck' in Erica Jong’s revolutionary Fear of Flying. This is not the analysis of globalization offered in Barbara Kingsolver’s The Poisonwood Bible. And it's certainly not up to snuff with the lyrical writing of Nobel and Pulitzer Prize winner Toni Morrison, whose novels' opening lines I can still recite verbatim, years after first taking them into my brain.

No, this particular genre is not any of that. What we're now calling chick lit used to be known by another name. The Harlequin Romance Novel. Yes, the seedy-for-its time paperbacks that our mothers and aunties and grandmothers kept hidden under their pillows and in their sewing baskets for a quick read when the men and children weren't in the room. Fabio isn't on the cover anymore, inviting us into a fantasy world. Now we have clever cartoons and pseudo-sophisticated graphic design that allows us to project a lifestyle that we believe we can, should, and might be desperately trying to have.

I truly believe that anyone with the discipline to construct basic noun-verb agreement for 180 pages or more could write a successful chick lit book. For anyone willing to take a stab at it, I'll offer my handy guide.



"How To Write Chick Lit in Ten Easy Steps"

1. INTRODUCTION: A female protagonist, in her 20's or 30's, living in an urban setting.

2. STATIC CHARACTER: Endless descriptors of name-brands. Particularly shoes. Mention of Manolo Blahnik and/or Jimmy Choo is mandatory.

3. DEVELOPING CHARACTER: Body issues. Must be examined thoroughly and repeatedly throughout the novel.

4. EXTERNAL CONFLICT: By second chapter, protagonist's otherwise perfect world will be upended by relationship or job loss.

5. RISING ACTION: Protagonist goes into a cocoon of self-pity, dragging the reader along with her.

6. INTERNAL CONFLICT: Incessent self-analyzing ensues. This is the body of the novel.

7. INTERNAL CONFLICT BECOMES EXTERNAL CONFLICT: A hundred pages past the point of extreme self-absorption, even the protagonist's closest confidantes become infuriated with her. Insert another several dozen pages of whining in solitude, adding the "no one understands me" complaint.

8. CLIMAX: Peripheral character emerges to give protagonist a moment of clarity. Because there are typically only about 5 characters in a chick-lit novel (7 including the designer labels and body issues) it is not difficult for the reader to identify this hero-on-the-sidelines fairly early in the story.

9. FALLING ACTION: Suddenly, everything in the protagonist's shattered world comes together.

10. DENOUEMENT: Cue happy ending, which means an even better guy or job than the one that initially started the whole crazy chain of events.


One area that chick-lit enthusiasts like to point out in defense of the "lit" element is the overly-analytical 'journey of self-discovery' that they claim occurs over the course of the novel. Personally, this part of the ride really bothers me. It seems to embody the "Oprah-zination" of our society. There are no boundaries. In fiction and real life, incredibly intimate details are doled out like canapes at cocktail parties. Everyone gets their 15 minutes to cart out their old wounds and childhood traumas to display for the world.

Anyone who's gone on a serious self-pity bender knows that point where one suddenly realizes, "Ugh...I'm sick of myself!" Chick lit protagonists do not possess this internal filter. Their capacity for self-analysis is numbing, and as a reader, I often find myself rooting against, rather than for them. After surviving endless pages of introspection that borders on a clinical diagnosis of Asperger's Syndrome, I find myself cheering the 'bullies' in the novel, so lacking is the protagonist in redeeming qualities.

Because of this, reading chick-lit often feels like listening in on a series of therapy sessions--most of the content is vapid and dull. In the rare moments of salaciousness, it feels dirty and inappropriate for the main character to suddenly graphically convey sexual content. By the time this happens, I've already read hundreds of pages of the protagonists' inner dialogue, detailing their deepest fears and secrets.

When that character suddenly shifts to genitalia-speak, I find myself wincing, reading through the barely-parted fingers of my hand, much in the same way I watch a scene in a horror movie. It's the same sickly feeling I would have if I were to walk in a room where the older ladies in my family were detailing a particularly hot blow job. It's just too creepy to be either titillating or educational.

On a lesser note of aggravation, I'm sick to death of everyone acting like their lives should or somehow do resemble a season of Sex and the City. I'm sick of cosmo-swilling twentysomethings with $600 highlights. Whether in literature or out at a bar, I'm baffled when I see a $30,000 a year grade-school teacher sporting a $1,500 handbag, $300 sunglasses, and $500 shoes. What is going on in the world that weekly mani-pedi's and Brazilian waxes have become de rigueur for high school girls?

I'm going to make this clear to everyone: Unless you have been approached by a legitimate representative of the entertainment industry who wishes to convey your life story in novel, television or film, you don't possess the lifestyle you're trying so desperately to project.

It is this same cookie-cutter characterization that makes chick lit so bland. Rather than cultivating any kind of unique back-story, attributes, or lifestyle for their protagonists, novelists and publishers continue to crank out the same formula ad nauseum. But until chick lit's popularity wanes, we're going to continue to see more of the same in bookstores and libraries. And judging from the lifespan of the Harlequin series, I doubt we'll see this shift anytime soon.

126 comments:

Melissa said...

Wow, you have summed up essentially all my sentiments about this incredibly lame genre that I have been forced to suffer at book stores over and over again. I've noticed the flow of books that have actual content and intelligence seem to have been overwhelmed by these 250 pages of beaten-to-death sob story of "self discovery" that goes on and on and on till she realizes she is not whom she wants to be. I mean GOD. DOES IT REALLY TAKE THAT LONG? LOL?! I hope the literary world does something about this catastrophe of literary work and chuck it into the corner with them Harlequinn books. Because honestly... that phase was the biggest waste of my time that I could have ever subjected myself to.

Aspeth said...

Thanks for the note, Melissa. It sounds like you also know what you're talking about here. I know *exactly* that sense of frustration that you describe. Luckily, there are plenty of legitimate, exceptional writers in the world to explore. The rest of us can move on and choose their novels instead. But I still think the masses will be buying chick lit for a long, long time to come.

Lexi Sundell said...

Wow, I have not read a Harlequin romance since my teens when I discovered they were appalling! I had no idea they had evolved into what you describe.

I do visit bookstores, but with a peculiar radar that apparently has bypassed chick lit. Thanks for your entertaining opinions on these works I have been ignoring, I will be happy to take your word for it!

Aspeth said...

Hi Lexi. I'm glad you enjoyed this piece. And I'm thrilled that you can visit a bookstore and ignore the horrid chick lit! Hopefully those blinders will remain in place...I'd hate to think that reading this somehow caused you to delve into the darkness ;-)

Anonymous said...

THANK YOU for this! "Chick Lit" is horrendous, and I hope it dies out. I wish people would, or could, rediscover the classics at least - maybe then this genre would die out.

When I read "Bridget Jones' Diary", I wondered why I despised her character. It was when she went on about how many pounds she put on, or how many cigarettes she consumed, I was just like, "Get ON with it!"

But really, thank you for this. I'm interested to read Erica Jong's "Fear of Flying" as it sounds really interesting.

And this was written by a twentysomething.

Aspeth said...

Hello, Anon. Thank you for your comments.

Honestly, "Fear" is a great piece to read from an historical context. By that I mean, decades after it was first published, I think you'll find it pretty tame. Jong is an amazing writer, and for beautiful language (and incredibly sensual content), seek out some of her poetry. Trust me when I say that you'll be amazed by her way with words.

I giggled when I read your comment about "bridget jones" because that's exactly how I also feel when reading this genre. If I wrote one of those horrendous things, I'd use a pen name and never show my face in a public forum! :)

I change out the "book of the week" in the sidebar frequently, so if you're ever looking for recommendations, pop by and take a look. Thanks again for stopping by!

John Mutford said...

Hey, no mention of the Shop-o-holic series?

I can't say I've ever read anything that falls into this category. Though, I have felt the need to remedy that just so I can back up my pre-formed opinions. But, judging by your post, it looks like I'm not far off the mark.

Still, with an genre that seems to embrace the term "Chick-Lit", I question if us detractors are taking the whole thing more serious that need be. You mention Harlequin romances, and they certainly didn't signal the downfall of literature as we know it, did they? Toni Morrison's books were published long after the first Harlequin hit the shelf, right? Let's face it, some people will always gravitate toward fluff, others look for something more substantial. If they tried to brand themselves as "female lit", I think we'd have more to balk at. Instead they settled on "chick lit" and I think people get what they bargain for.

MC said...

Great article, this is precisely why I could never get into the genre. I tried, but it just seemed so unbelievably shallow an unmoving. Most of the chic lit that I attempted to read weren't even humorous or entertaining.

polyglotmom said...

I laughed my way through your blog. You nailed it! However, you missed a couple things. In most of these (novels? I would not call them that) the word exquisite is always used. Who uses that word?? Also, I've noticed the following (device?): There will be a quote followed by the protagonist's third person narrative analysis and explanation of the obvious implications of the quote. For example, one of the characters will say something like "I've always admired you." And she did. In high school she would watch her enter a room, blah, blah, blah. The last book I read was saturated with this technique which makes me want to burn the book. So why am I reading this? Because I want to write some day and I want to know what to avoid.

polyglotmom said...

On second thought, maybe I should write awful, drippy chick lit. It's on the bestseller's lists due to marketing and silly women's book clubs. I could make a mint and quit my job. So I lose my self-respect. I'll be laughing all the way to the bank. Then I'll be free to write something more substantial.

Anonymous said...

Ok, I read chick lit, I agree with you--its not great literature, but its a fun release from the daily blah-ness of my life. And just because i read chick lit doesn't mean I don't like real literature- most of my favorite stories are classics. We're not reading "chick lit" (which is really just humorous romance for younger women) because we're looking for profound, new works, we're doing it to have a laugh.

I don't mean to be rude, but I don't see what the big deal is anyways--if you don't like chick lit, don't read it. It's that simple. And as far as people not taking women writers seriously because of the title chick lit, lets just point out that despite John Grisham and Stephen King's great success, Mary Higgins Clark is the number one author in the United States.

I just don't see why there has to be such a big fuss over something that is a personal decision-just because I read it doesn't mean it's
plastered in your brain, so what's the big deal?

Anonymous said...

The comments on this blog are interesting but before we dismiss chick lit as meaningless danderfluff, let's look at the value that it provides its readers. For one, it's hilarious! It's like a romantic comedy movie in words! You see these goofball characters getting into strange scenarios that a normal (perhaps sensible) person wouldn't get into. These novels take insecurity and make it funny. Every woman suffers from insecurity issues--that much is certain! Only we probably don't laugh when we look in a mirror and see a zit before an interview. These books go so far as to have these bizarre circumstances happen to your average run of the mill female. These books that you all despise actually satirize the complex day-to-day issues going on for women and most people overlook that. That's pretty darn clever if you ask me. Alice in Wonderland--that's a clever child's story but if you look deeper you will see it's satire on Victorian England. Aesop's Fables have morals--correct? What's the moral in chick lit? That pretty much a woman can be anything she wants to be, have any job that she wants by the end of the novel, as well as have the right kind of man for her! I would think that all of us femenists would like that sentiment--chick lit is empowering--so embrace it! Besides, if you hate it so much why don't you be innovative and write a piece of chick lit that can change everyone's perspective. That's more meaningful that complaining about it.

tam said...

Your point is well-taken, and true for most poorly written holiday reads, but I think it is unfair to denounce an entire genre and its readership.

The point you're missing is that 'Chick Lit,' like any other medium, can be an artform. True, there are atrociously written, bland, superficial pieces that are little more than an upgrade of a Harlequin romance - the Shopoholic series comes to mind here.

And I don't pretend that Chick Lit has the same type of literary merits as the rich prose of contemporary novelists like Margaret Atwood or Michael Ondaatje.

At the same time, a well-crafted Chick Lit novel can be inspiring, comforting, and like any other piece of writing, has something to tell us about the age we live in.

Books such as Bridget Jones capture some of the angst and uncertainty of being an aging single female in the post-feminist world.

Novels by Marion Keys explore the humour and self-discovery that come out of dark times, including depression, alcoholism, and bereavement - hardly 'fluffy' topics.

Emily Griffin's 'Something Borrowed' delves into the complexities of a good person doing a bad thing.

But the (rare) gems of Chick Lit novels do have something to offer. I don't watch a good comedy for the cinematography, nor do I read a Chick Lit novel for the prose. I read these stories because I relate to the characters. Much like having a good chat with a close friend, these books are comforting because they help me to understand my own insecurities, make me feel less alone, and help me to laugh at even the darkest moments of my own life.

Perhaps the high volume of poor quality Chick Lit tells us more about how challenging it is to write a good piece of humourous, female-centred writing, rather than the worthlessness of the genre itself.

Anonymous said...

I'm in the early stages of planning a chick lit novel with a heroine with a brain. Whose whole life doesn't revolve around shoes and a guy, though she wears shoes (pretty much Keds because she's in a setting where Manolos wouldn't fly) and gets a guy who comes with complications- well, don't they all? She just doesn't suffer fools. Is there any hope for this idea?

Anonymous said...

I'll admit that, yes, some chick-lit is very bad but I know that only because I have an interest in reading and writing chick-lit and have come across several bad apples of the genre, of which I put down immediately, the moment I realized I wouldn't make it past the first couple of pages. Most chick-lit provides a humorous take on things which actually happen in some of these authors' lives. Kyra Davis' obsession with coffee, for example. I have a great deal of respect for these women for getting their names out there and writing something they believe in and enjoy writing. I don't understand how some of you can knock chick-lit and the success of these authors when you apparently don't know anything about them and the genre. For those of you who do know what you're saying, I apologize and am also sorry you feel the way you do (unless you agree with me). Those of you who don't know anything about the genre and the authors who write it, have you ever heard of walking away??? Like I tell my daughter when she complains about kids in her school annoying her... "IGNORE THEM!" And if you have to read it just to prove your point, how petty of you. You really need to find something better to do with your time, such as reading something you actually enjoy... :D

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Anonymous said...

Could explain what you mean by the comment, "After surviving endless pages of introspection that borders on a clinical diagnosis of Asperger's Syndrome"? As a former teacher of children who fall into the Autism Spectrum and a mother of a child with Asperger's I think you may be misunderstanding what the "clinical diagnosis" is. What you may have meant was - the characters in chick lit are often self absorbed and incapable of considering anyone else's point of view or feeling - which is not Asperger's.

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Hi there, I stumbled across this page when I was searching for chick lit related articles, I realise all these other comments are from a while ago, so maybe nobody's reading anymore, but hey-ho. I just had to say that I read everything I can get my hands on, I studied english at uni to continue being able to read pretty much all the time, and I think that there are some authors - James Joyce, Doris Lessing - who are truly exceptional, who show us things about ourselves we wouldn't have known (as a society or culture, not just as individuals). But you know what, my (very small) list of favourite authors includes Marian Keyes - QUEEN of chick lit! And I really think that she is a superb writer, one who manages to take the darkness and pain that people encounter in everyday life (depression, alchoholism, miscarriages) and write about them in a way that somehow, just helps. She's not trying to write the next Great Idea About The World, she's actually writing about the things that really matter to people on a personal level. And she's very, very funny. I've read other chick lit and none of it has come close to hers. So maybe, hidden amongst all the other pastel-coloured covers, there's some stuff that really has value.
Also - if you don't like chick lit, don't read it! And don't take it so seriously! Jeeeeez. Why fight against something that is so harmless and also so unstoppable? Maybe there are some bigger issues in the world than the spread of the fluffy novel.

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Yes, but... good chick lit authors make money. Not all authors write novels to better the human condition, or whatever. Some of them write because they want to entertain people and pay rent. The chick lit market is lucrative, and frankly, I'm glad more MFA-types haven't hopped onto that gravy train. That means there's more room for the rest of us. :)

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