Ugh...I'm going to be sick

I was checking out Joe Rogan's website a few days ago, where he was talking about how great it felt to have such a ton of public support after his favorite club and agent both dropped him.

He also said that a few folks have been less than gracious, and included a nasty note that some woman had left him on his myspace page. As you might expect from a comedian who's got a reputation for annihilating hecklers, Rogan goes off.

There were some jpg's pasted in to show the woman, and Joe Rogan points out that this is what a Carlos Mencia fan looks like. The jpg's were broken, and I wondered if that was a part of the whole DMCA bullshit that was going on at the time.

But then I went back yesterday, and the photos were up. Oh my god, I'm going to hurl. Yeah, this is one nasty woman. And the reality is, these are photos that she posted of herself! Whenever I see something like this, I have a sort of Jerry Springer-esque reaction, hoping that this is fake, then instantly realizing that there are people like this all over the country. Take a look for yourself:

This woman looks like she's bobbing for fried ice cream. I think that stripper had a cheeseburger in his thong to induce that kind of feeding frenzy from this woman. It's just all too awful...the feathered hair, the '80s Tootsie glasses, the 'glandular issues'....ugh. And that poor stripper...he looks like he's going to be asphyxiated between that woman's thighs.

And the saddest thing of all is that you just know that this is the one of the hottest sexual experiences of this woman's life. A part of me really wants to know who this woman is. I thought about trying to track down her myspace profile, but let's face it, my tolerance for interminable page loads is almost nil. My first reaction is nausea. Then I feel just awful thinking about her life. Then I just get kind of angry.

I mean, who the hell is this woman to proffer her useless opinion on someone else's life?!?! What the fuck gives her the right to be anyone's barometer of acceptability?!?!? Why is this fucking failure of a human being out in the world trying to tell other people anything at all?!?!?!

For the record, here's the precious note that she decided to send to Joe Rogan:

"Unfortunately it is extremely clear there is an extreme amount of jealousy and resentment you have towards Carlos. He carries himself with pride and class and doesn't walk around looking like he needs a free meal and a razor to clean up. I don't care if he does steal shit from other people because it is obvious that he must tell the shit better than others. I have seen his show and it is always a sell out and it makes people laugh and go home feeling good. You are only out there to be an ass like always because you feel inferior to Carlos and will never be as popular or successful as he is. I don't care that you did Fear Factor because you sucked in that also. So why don't you get a life and take a shower and shave up and head to your local mission and get a free meal you loser!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

First of all, it makes sense that this bottom-feeder would feel uplifted by Carlos...he's an even bigger loser. All of that fake hispanican humor probably feeds right into the bigoted pseudo-jokes she and her trashy friends tell in the vast industrial cafeteria of whatever assembly line she works on. Plus, if she were a good christian, she'd offer up that free meal herself. I'm just saying...

But this woman is just one more example of a repetitive theme. If we measure human beings on a scale of 1-10 for their intelligence, worth, contributions to the world...any number of characteristics that we as a society claim to hold dear, this woman would be a 2 or 3 at best. Yet she's coming into the fray like she's way higher on the food chain. Like she actually has something to offer that the world wants.

On the opposite end of the spectrum, you'll almost always hear a beautiful girl admit that she thinks she's 'plain' rather than pretty; a highly intelligent person will tells you that he or she is 'just average'. Because the truth is, people with some sense of themselves and the world around them know that there is always someone out there who is smarter, better looking, or more competent on a number of levels.

Yet the dregs of society shamelessly present themselves as if they are the standard by which the bar is set. Ask a 400-pound woman in spandex how she looks and you'll hear "I look good!" Ask someone who's never traveled more than an hour outside of the town that they grew up in, much less say visited a foreign country, and they'll expound for hours on foreign policy. Ask a person who's never in his life handled his own finances with any aplomb, and he'll be glad to tell you how the American economy works and where it falls short.

This woman is one of those people. A bottom-feeder with too much confidence. Maybe there's something about being on the lower half of the scale of humanity that doesn't allow for any sense of shame. Maybe there's some human defense mechanism that allows them to inherently believe they're much better than they are and thus prevent them from committing suicide en masse.

For the rest of us, there's not much gray area. It boggles the mind that these folks can't see it in themselves, but we all know they're losers. The fact that this woman doesn't "care if he steals shit from other people" speaks volumes about her character, even without the ghastly photos. Hopefully some of this backlash will get back to her, and she might start to realize just how fucking pathetic she really is.