3/17/2007

Welcome to My Award Winning Blog

It’s official! This is now an “Award-Winning Blog”

The best fuckin' weblog name in the known universe: TwelveYearsOfBeingAnnoyedByChloeSevignyDotCom

I’m of course taking my cue from the incoherent ramblings of a certain smarmy Salt Lake City-area mortgage broker, who likes to refer to his dot-blogspot site as ‘award winning.’ Now, of course, this is a blogspot blog as well, but hey, I’m just here rambling and telling stories. I’m not sending out press releases and trying to run a business from a free fucking Google page.

(Yes, Nigel, I’m talking about you. You’ve become quite the regular little visitor here, haven’t you? Nary a day goes by anymore when I don’t see your dirty electronic fingerprint.)

Now most of you come here and are rightfully amused by my little rants and ramblings. Others come here and want to tell me what to do in these pages...hell, what I should be thinking! My respect for the First Amendment causes me to publish comments with which I don’t agree.

But I was thinking today about the rather silly comments that some folks leave, telling me, in essence, to ‘take it easy’ on someone or other. Well, guess what, kitty kats. That’s not ever going to happen. Allow me to take this time to remind everyone of the very definition of the blog.

“Web site that contains an online personal journal with reflections, comments, and often hyperlinks provided by the writer.”

“A public web site where users post informal journals of their thoughts, comments, and philosophies, updated frequently and normally reflecting the views of the blog's creator.”

“Visitors typically visit blogs to read the latest news and opinions of the blogger.”

No one’s begging your acceptance of the opinions contained herein. And if you think I’m being too harsh on, say, the Barbie Bandits…well that’s just too damn bad. Because you see, we as humans make a conscious decision to either contribute to or drain from our communities. This is what we call a Society.

Within this society, most people contribute. They work, they love, they donate, and they create. Others simply take. And once you decide to suckle off the collective teat of the contributors, then we get to jump in and have a say.

Now I understand that some of you take a different approach. I’ve gotten a lot of notes from people who tell me they’re praying for certain criminals who have graced these pages. And I’m not trying to take that away from you.

But don’t get all uppity about my decision to spew a few choice words in the direction of the offenders instead. Because they’re parasites. You can go ahead and pray. I'll stick to my witty repartee.

I have to admit that I giggled a little this morning when I got another one of those ‘let he who is without sin cast the first stone’ comments. It’s too fucking easy...because my mistakes have never included fucking bank robbery!

You see, those of us who are contributors to society tend to make mistakes like missing a few curfews, occasionally getting a poor grade on a paper, or snogging someone we ultimately wish we’d never met. We’ve inevitably said something cruel to someone we love; we’ve broken someone’s heart; we may have irreparably damaged a friendship.

These, my friends, are examples of ‘mistakes’ and ‘youthful indiscretions’—-not fucking bank robbery, not fucking mortgage fraud. From the way some of you sound, you really might be shocked to learn that most of use make it through our lives without committing felonies!!!

And those who choose to take from the contributing members of society are sometimes subjected to opinions on those actions. So when Casey Serin is eventually living rent-free in a federal prison, the rest of us will continue our daily lives of contribution, including funding his three-hots-and-a-cot.

Not quite an even trade, is it?

But, oh, you want to be offended because I used the word cunt?!? Aren’t your delicate sensibilities being expended in the wrong place?!?! Just for that, you get a forced etymology lesson (yeah, yeah, I know how some of you hate the book learnin’)

“The earliest citation of this usage appears in the Oxford English Dictionary, in reference to a London street known as "Gropecunt Lane," circa 1230…. In certain circles the word is considered merely a common profanity with an often humorous connotation”.

And, yes, while I am a true-blooded American, I spent a great deal of time overseas growing up. And ‘the c-word’ as some of you call it, is very commonly said throughout the world. When you look at the origins of the word, it’s certainly a lot less harsh than the word ‘bitch’, which is bandied about in American slang with incredible frequency.

“It was being used thus as early as 1400 and referred to a lewd or sensual woman. It was not uncommon to use it in literature of the time in that sense. It was simply a metaphor, comparing lewd women to female dogs, which, if left to their own devices, will bear pups rather frequently, suggesting sexual promiscuity”

So there you have it. You managed to choke your way through my opinions and actually learn something today. Buy yourself something pretty and expensive on a maxed-out credit card for all of your hard work. You deserve it. And after all, you can always declare bankruptcy and rely on the contributors in society to keep food on your table.

Somewhere in a cold dank plot, Darwin turns in his grave.

4 comments:

Lucidiocy said...

my new favorite word is 'cuntish'

as in "that was rather cuntish of you to drink my last diet pepsi."

Anonymous said...

Nigel - what a tool that guy is.

Casey and Nigel deserve each other.

Aspeth said...

Hi Lucidiocy---a.k.a. "Number Four" ;-) Good to see you again.

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