Another Dumb-Ass Casey Serin Scheme

"Countdown to Beg-A-Thon Two" at I Am Facing Foreclosure shows that Casey Serin intents to replicate his goofy internet panhandling in less than an hour.

Since this round of the Casey Serin Tent Revival Meeting will commence at 2p.m. Pacific time, the whole plan seems even more ridiculous than normal. After all, in announcing that he will hold the "Casey Serin Welfare Hour" in advance, he's given lots of people time to consider the ramifications of giving him money.

So he's assuming that readers will somehow plan to "donate" money to him, rather what happened at the last beg-a-thon....namely, Haterz relaxing with a few cocktails, their cynicism worn down from a long week of actually working.

Could Casey Serin think that, having exhausted his access to the Haterz deep pockets, that he can somehow fool the newbies into tossing a few sheckels into his guitar case? If so, the advance notice has given newcomers to the Casey Serin story plenty of time to read up on his antics before tossing their spare change into his PayPal account.

Today, I made my first visit over to IAFF in at least a month. Perhaps the best part of reading the trite "Baiting Haterz" post was the resurgence of "T", better known as Nacho the Cat.

"T" was the woman who, during Casey Serin's second "live chat" called him on the carpet like a puppy with a piddle, trying to mama-slap some sense into the echoing cavern of Casey Serin's skull.

I'm glad to see "T" come back, not just because I think she's a great lady with a lot to say, but also because during Casey Serin's original beg-a-thon (also known as "CashCall's Coming to Take All of Yulia's Furniture) she again tried to parent him, sending him some cash for groceries.

All she asked in return was that he post a receipt, showing that the money actually did go to feed him and his wife Galina Serin.

Of course, like every other obligation and responsibility, Casey blew it off. Instead, he posted that he and Galina Serin went off to IKEA to purchase some office furniture (as you can see in the C|net article.)

T's message to Casey told him that, if he doesn't post the receipt as promised, she's rescinding the money she sent him via PayPal.

Good on ya, T!!! And we hope to hear more from you soon!


Saving the Heathens or More Christian Hypocracy?

When the fundies go after a new target audience, I tend to arch an eyebrow with suspicion. Much of my cynicism comes from seeing first-hand so much of the "good" work done by missionaries in foreign countries.

Now don't get me wrong...if you feel a calling to pack up your life and go to a region of the world where people are suffering and starving and you work your ass off to plant fields, dig wells and raise livestock, that's magnanimous by any definition.

If, in this process, you bolster your own spirit by praying and reading scripture, then that's fine as well. But when you decide that providing succor to the suffering is contingent upon their accepting your faith and worshiping alongside you, you're crossing an indelible moral line.

The resurgence of right-wing Christianity in America is probably best defined by the old question "how do you boil a frog?" You don't throw it into a boiling pot; instead, you put it in temperate water and turn up the heat until it's cooked.

Christianity has been inserted into previously uncharted territory, becoming highly visible in the fringe. There has been a rise in Alt-Christian music, Christian surfers, and skateboarders. (Personally, it always gives me a jolt when I come across a random surfer who wants to strike up a conversation about his relationship with Jesus Christ as I'm peeling off my wetsuit.)

Now the fundies are getting into porn. Oh, don't get me wrong...they've been watching it, ahem, religiously, for years. In fact, the Pat Robertson media outlet CBN reports that "a survey of men at a Promise Keepers rally showed half had looked at porn in the week just before the rally." Meanwhile, Christianity Today magazine found 37 percent of pastors admit to struggling with pornography.

Enter the XXX Church. The ministry's website opens with a hot pink page with a picture of porn king Ron Jeremy hoisting a cigar. The schtick here is that "porn pastor" Craig Gross, himself the embodiment of a Tim Burton character, tours the country with Jeremy, publicly debating pornography.

Meanwhile, Gross's church aims to save the porn industry from itself, setting up booths at trade shows in order to pass out New Testament Bibles emblazoned with "Jesus loves porn stars" to the wicked and sinful of the industry.

Under the umbrella of what seems to be a multimedia marketing firm called Fireproof Ministries, XXX Church places a high importance on getting so-called porn stars out of the industry. Their Save a Ho Ester campaign lays out the following requirements in return for salvation. Among them:

"Local church involvement; Willing to be accountable to leaders of local church and individuals within the ministry; Stop receiving funds, royalties, gifts, or previous royalties from prior industry work; Fill out monthly accountability report detailing finances, relationships, etc; Willing to not live with anyone of the opposite sex unless married; Cannot take any job in modeling or sex industry."

In return, there are vague promises to "exhaust all resources" to assist with things like schooling, counseling, legal, and living expenses. On that front, Fireproof Ministries tells those hopping off the porn train that "We will send up to $500 at the beginning of the month for the first 12 months providing all obligations have been met from the previous month."

Um, okay.

Not surprisingly, in its some five years of existence, XXX Church hasn't "saved" too many porn queens. According to most published reports, the industry and its members tend to ignore the church, regarding it as a fly in the KY, so to speak. Some have befriended the group, not necessarily agreeing with their message, but supporting their right to promulgate it.

In one case, a director who spoke with them at a porn convention said, "Oh, I get it. You guys are like Jesus walking with the lepers." He was impressed with their approach, and he offered to shoot a commercial for them at his own expense.

Christians have always loved the stories of Jesus washing the feet of prostitutes. But in this case, XXX Church's biggest detractors are other Christians and churches.

"XXXchurch.com features a page full of hate mail-most of it from Christians who find their tactics too extreme. But Gross and Foster are unfazed-and point out that 16 percent of those who visit the site find it while surfing for porn."

Do As I Say, Not As I Do?

As some fundies consider the church to be "Porn's Worst Nightmare," I can't help but wonder why they are looking outside of their own rank and file. They've obviously got a healthy population of their own who are watching adult fare throughout the week, then reporting for zealot duty on the Sabbath.

With Promise Keepers and ministers cruising x-rated materials, and folks stumbling across the main website (the tagline of which is "The #1 Christian Porn Site!") while looking for gangbang flicks, why put so many resources into the porn industry?

The reality is that Fireproof Ministries recognizes that it could be a player in providing Christian-based marketing and advertising to similarly minded groups. Their 2007 mission plan notes that they're making themselves available for lucrative advertising contracts, and have created a boutique marketing/graphic design component and record label.

In order to drive this over the top, they desperately need their own Mary Magdalene.

The porn star outreach has only succeeded in passing out bibles at conventions. Paying consulting fees to Ron Jeremy to debate porn in various venues provides them an insider to the industry. But no one is stepping forward to claim their salvation thanks to XXX Church.

Consider the case of the commercial-shooting porn director. "When asked if the pastors were getting through to him, DiGiorgio replied, "I'm sure that you and your viewers would love to have me say 'yes.' But unfortunately, 'no. I feel the faith that they have, okay, if you will, I sense that about them. I can feel it. It's a real thing. It's almost a tangible thing. Has it become contagious to me? I have to answer 'no.'"

The most obvious testimonial is blatantly absent: That from twenty-something founder Craig Gross. Gross's bio for his book Questions You Can't Ask Your Mama About Sex says simply that he is married with two children.

So where does his take on porn come from? One would think that, in order to speak intelligently about the topic, he would have had to have engaged in some "research viewing," but no mention is ever made. Is Craig Gross just an average twenty-something guy obsessed with sex? Why the adamant stance that porn hurts marriage?

Gross's single greatest take on porn is the way the industry treats its women. "There's no respect. To think that these are somebody's daughters. My pastor from my old church, Brian, is here with us. He says that these women are treated like dogs," says Gross.

Craig Gross's fellow Porn Pastor agrees with this hearsay. "Just look around. Look at the devices and the machines -- machines that are designed to do certain things to women. Yeah, it's degrading. There's no doubt about it."

And yet, millions of women (and their doctors) historically disagree.

In short, the whole premise of the church is based around casual observations, extrapolating the most generalized conclusions that spring to mind. But a lack of factual research has never stopped anyone from becoming a well-known evangelical preacher.

Nor will it stop Craig Gross and his porn crew, who are looking to expand their ministry into such desirable marketing demographics as college campuses, the X Games, WWE Professional Wrestling, and a highly coveted slot on the Vans Warped Tour.

Perhaps other church's biggest problem with XXX Church isn't that they choose to associate with the porn industry.

Maybe it's that the church requests hefty financial and in-kind donations from the faith community to bolster its for-profit branches such as its marketing firm and record label, even selling $500 "porn packages" to churches across the country. (Their goal of finding 200 churches to buy the packages means a tidy $100,000 to the church.)

Meanwhile, those same churches are home to members with a variety of very real needs. Those everyday folks aren't porn stars, and they won't further the XXX Church goals' of penetrating desirable commercial demographics, so they're left to their own devices while a twenty-something Porn Pastor pushes his agenda in front of a bank of cameras.



Casey Serin's little media spree this week has had some funny consequences all around. On Monday, for example, his technical (in)abilities were on full display, as C|net readers found, alternately, a "File Not Found" page or even better, a search engine list of related "hater" sites.

I got my own taste of it this morning, when I was woken up by a phone call from an ex, suspiciously chipper considering the ungodly time of day.

"I just read a quote of yours on MSN!" the ex giggled. At any other time, this would not be cause for hilarity. After all, I've given plenty of interviews and been quoted countless times. I could smell the ex had an agenda...I waited through the interminable pause before the one-two punch was delivered.

"Nice fucking mouth on you!"

Aaaargh!!! I knew instantly.... "So I'm reading this article about the world's most hated blogger, on some level fully expecting the article to have something to do with you. After all, you're so precious!" The ex stops to gasp for air through the laughter.

"Then I read this: '"Casey and Galina Serin's story isn't one of 'Young couple tries to make it in the cold, cruel world,' one critic wrote. 'These two are f****g Bonnie and Clyde. What they're doing is bank robbery, without the gun.'" Before I even clicked on the link, I knew it was you who had said that! I shot coffee through my nose!"

So before the ex (who is still a close friend, although skating on thin ice after this morning's call) can crow to our mutual friends that I'm now the girl being shot around the internet for saying "fuck" in international media outlets, I'm going to put the opening shot out there.

I will say that, for as humorous as I find Twelve Years' inclusion in the Casey Serin, World's Most Hated Blogger story, I do cringe a bit about the quote. I say a lot of things in these pages that I wouldn't utter in a more, say, professional environment. And now I'm the chick screaming "fuck" in the media.

I said some semblance of that through the phone this morning, as my coffee-deprived brain waited for the drip to brew and fog to lift. Sensing that a nerve had been struck, the antagonistic ex dialed it down a notch. "Hey, that's cool...you're like Erica Jong this way. She got a lot of attention for taking that word and shining a spotlight on other things. Plus, she was dirty!" the ex leered.

Yeah, I'm the Erica Jong of the blogosphere. Hardly.

Erica Jong's mastery of the English language produced lines and phrases so buttery that readers chewed over her words, letting them melt in their mouths like caramel. As readers rode that happy high, she punctuated her creamy prose with the hard consonants of the word "fuck."

Her writing is as sensual as the topics she covers, as you can see from her poem "We Learned". Jong's writing in the groundbreaking book Fear of Flying produced the indomitable phrase Zipless Fuck, which changed the way American women thought and spoke of sex.

The woman even turned cooking into a food fetish that has never quite been duplicated...although Nigella might come close.

I'm absolutely certain that nothing produced within these pages achieves a similar excitement. Nor as lofty a circumstance. In other words, I don't know that my fuck had a purpose (making it "zipless" in its own right, I suppose.) Certainly, had I known that it would be reprinted for thousands to consume, I would have found more apt language.

I fully expect, over the course of the coming weeks, that as I speak to and go out with friends that, just as I am comfortable, someone will slide a one-liner into the conversation. No one will ask about a recent major coup on the professional front, or the unexpected holiday on powdery white sand beaches and turquoise waters.

No. What they'll say is "So you're the one who basically shouted FUCK in a crowded theatre, huh?"

Yep. (sighs) That's me.


Caveat Emptor

Let the buyer beware; let the deadbeat look over his shoulder.

Truly, when you repeatedly evade responsibility, deny accountability, and generally screw people over, it creates a life lived in a constant state of heightened awareness. There must be a sense of always waiting for something to crawl out of the darkness and bite you on the ass.

At least this is the case for I Am Facing Foreclosure's Casey Serin. Today, two of his former allies stepped into the spotlight to talk about some of Casey's less flattering tendencies.

First, Duane LeGate publicly denounces both Casey Serin and the IAFF website as having devolved into a series of shameless hoax stories. Duane confirmed that, far from shutting down his website, Casey Serin had turned down Duane's help to sell the site, saying that he was seeing a positive spike in his ad revenues.

Duane LeGate is pissed as hell. About what, precisely, I'm not sure. But apparently this is just the tip of the iceberg and he's ready to start spilling some dirty details. Duane also revealed a bit of his feelings toward supposed Salt Lake City mortgage lender/Casey Serin's little buddy Nigel Swaby.

As Robert Cote tells us, Duane will be doing a series of insider revelations at ExUrbanNation in the coming days. And believe me, that's going to be far more interesting than reading any of Casey Serin's deluded fantasies and fairy tales.

As all of this is happening, Casey's web host dropped in to ExUrbanNation to also talk about what a bumbling fool Sercasey is. Heekee talked about how he had repeatedly tried to find an equitable compromise to Casey's (free) hosting account, when IAFF started sucking the life out of the Zewg server.

Heekee also denied having anything to do with the repugnant robertcotesux blog, where a still-anonymous blogger has been posting Rob's address, telephone number, and photos of his underage daughter (along with some incredibly disgusting stories to go along with said photos).

But he did confirm that the fate and availability of IAFF is suspect, at best, over the coming week.

This couldn't come at a worse time for Casey Serin, who already missed one traffic spike from Monday's story on C|net. As frequent poster Flailing Forward points out, MSN is putting IAFF on its front page tonight into the early morning hours. Much like Monday's diversions, new crops of potential readers will click a link to read "File Not Found."

Casey Serin's shady life is crumbling, in small but cumulative ways. There's nothing he can count on, not even his blog. Now the people around him, who had previously remained silent and let him go about his merry way, have tired of holding it all back.

What's next? An interview with Casey's sister-in-law Yulia?

For those who have tired of Casey Serin's village idiot routine, it's a comeuppance that soothes, at least somewhat, the anger toward him. After all, he's admitted to egregious financial crimes yet continues to walk free, has not been sued, still has a roof over his head and food in his stomach.

But the betrayals are just the tip of it all. As former supporters turn against him, Casey Serin's sanitized stories and selective rewrites will lose even the possibility of credibility.

And something tells me that the loss of his beloved internet traffic will sting worse than the loss of his eight properties. The properties never paid attention to him, never brought him "sweet media," never made him, in his convoluted mind, famous.

Why No One Should Visit "I Am Facing Foreclosure"

With Casey Serin's repeated outages with his "I Am Facing Foreclosure" web drama, frustrated visitors have turned to the so-called Hater Pages for their daily dose.

That small fraction of people who have been able to access the site without encountering a "file not found" error report that Casey's latest post is that problems within his marriage are causing him to consider taking "I Am Facing Foreclosure" down altogether.

Don't believe the hype, people. Casey Serin is blatantly playing his audience, as former Casey Serin mentor Duane LeGate just confirmed. Duane had stepped in to try to teach Casey some real estate fundamentals and structure many months ago. Casey's lack of accountability caused Duane to wish him the best and walk away.

But Duane Legate popped into ExUrbanNation today to post some of Casey Serin's emails to him. Far from shutting down the site, Casey reports to Duane that his "ad revenue" is starting to take off.

Duane had previously offered to help Casey sell the IAFF site, which would have been a huge boon to Casey and Galina Serin's financial woes. As Duane says, it could easily have cut their debt in half.

But Casey balked, telling Duane in an email today that "I'm gonna hold off on selling it. I'm starting to get pretty good interest in the $100/mo text link ads and my other advertising has been going pretty good. So its producing income."

He then goes on to ask Duane for contract work. Well, not ask so much as say, "What do you have?" Personally, I'd be a little more deferential to someone who could offer me work.

And for those who still somehow hold out belief that Galina Serin isn't up to her neck with her husband in his small-time cons, consider the fact that, in the early days, Casey refused to print her name.

These days, he's trolling his readers with post titles such as "Galina Serin: Enough is Enough." She's accepting, if not encouraging, these types of posts. And as Casey Serin's critics have been saying for months, the same sentiment seems to be true of their entire failed real estate venture.

So I revert back to this morning's sentiment: If you're still visiting "I Am Facing Foreclosure," you're contributing to Casey Serin's overtly screwing everyone around him: friends, associates, family, neighbors, and taxpayers at large.

Not to mention his actual readers. I can't imagine anyone wanting to be overtly manipulated by one of the craziest, laziest, and dumbest criminals on the internet.

But maybe that's just me.

In other news, Declan McCullagh of C|net posted a follow-up, answering some interesting questions about his time with Casey Serin. He reveals some interesting, and somewhat shocking things, particularly about Casey Serin's latest scheme, his "shell corporation."

Did You Just Hear of Casey Serin?

Casey Serin earned a whole new round of trainwreck-watchers after yesterday's piece on C|net. The compelling title, "Casey Serin: The World's Most Hated Blogger" drew thousands to read Declan McCullagh's well-written and informative piece.

If this is your first exposure to the madcap financial time bomb that is Casey Serin, here are a couple of pieces to round out your knowledge. A Casey Serin Primer gives you a summary of "I Am Facing Foreclosure" to date.

You'll need this, since Casey Serin's misplaced priorities often cause IAFF to go blank while he frolics in fields of daisies and chases shiny objects. To get a better idea of the man behind the trainwreck, this glimpse into the scary mind of Casey Serin gives insight into the amateur con man's points of reference for the past two years.

This one will be helpful, lest you start feeling a natural human empathy for Casey or Galina Serin. This section reveals that Casey Serin may be able to screw up a free lunch, but he's a conniving planner who has been trying to manipulate strangers into giving him things since IAFF first launched in September.

It is worth reiterating a part of McCullagh's story, that Casey Serin deliberately trolls his readers, making IAFF more cheap soap opera than blow-by-blow. For that, you'll find plenty of other blogs, like this one, which point a glaring light to the things that Casey Serin would rather sweep under the rug.

Casey Serin's end-run game is unearned fame and fortune. Think of him as the Paris Hilton (or even better, some knobby-kneed, buck-toothed Hilton cousin) of the internet. While I'm a person who normally wants to view source materials, in this case I'd like to remind readers that each visit to IAFF gets Casey Serin one step closer to his nefarious goals.

And if you have any questions, ask a "Hater," as Casey Serin has taken to calling the learned professionals who have continually proffered free advice and words of wisdom. There are always plenty to be found.


Timing Isn't Everything...

But it can absolutely break your ass if your timing is off.

Just as Casey Serin misread the marketplace and managed to fraudulently purchase eight properties in four states at the top of their respective markets, so too was his razor-sharp timing with today's none too flattering c|net article.

Casey's free hosting relationship with Heekee has been on the skids for a while now, as the host had asked Sercasey to remove some comments in order to preserve bandwith on the server. Casey could not bring himself to comply (shocking!) and instead pulled a classic Serin move of "better no server than a free server!"

That'll learn 'em, Casey.

As Schnapps pointed out in an earlier email, Heekee told his forums that Casey Serin managed to screw up another free lunch, forcing Heekee to both pull the plug on "I Am Facing Foreclosure" and eat the $180/month hosting bill.

Again, who would do business with this guy? We've seen what he's willing to do to his own family...why would he show any more courtesy or consideration in a business environment?

In another ironic twist of fate, as c|net provided news readers with a wealth of links to read the jackassery of Casey Serin with their own eyes, there was no IAFF to be found. Depending on your browser, some attempts to access IAFF were met with this list of alternatives, which led people straight to some haterz sites.

Ouch. Missed it by that much just again, Casey.

I received another email today asking if Casey Serin is trying to, in effect, do some sort of "suicide by cop." Many folks are incredulous that Casey would submit to such extensive press coverage, knowing that in the grand scheme of things, he might be a small fish but that repeated media exposure regarding his crimes can only lead to an inevitable prison sentence.

Who knows? I've delved as deeply into the mind of Casey Serin as I want to, and personally what I found is a dark, spider-infested place. There may actually be a part of him that has just shut down and so completely refuses to accept any adult responsibility that he'd take a prison stint just for the three hots and a cot.

Or maybe Casey Serin is just a fucking idiot.

Another email, from a friend who has been following Casey for several months, pointed out that the drama is making even some hardened haterz do a 180, asking again if this isn't some elaborate hoax. "After all," the note says, "the drama, the betrayals, it's movie-of-the-week type stuff. I know you can't fake the property and corporate records, but I find that I'm double-checking my own senses today to be sure there's not something I've missed that will reveal this as an elaborate ruse."

Yep. I know the feeling.

Then there was the one guy today who felt like I should explain myself for judging Casey Serin when he's done nothing to me personally. To him I say, you just haven't been paying any attention to the real world. Let's think about how Casey Serin's actions affect others:

First, there are the banks and various unsecured lenders who have eaten shit on Casey Serin's accounts. You're assuming that I don't work for any of them, so my job isn't threatened by the actions of people like Casey. You're also assuming that I don't hold any financial instruments based in those companies, or any accounts that use mortgage securities as an element of the portfolio.

You're assuming that I haven't taken into account that Casey Serin is just one of thousands, if not tens of thousands, of specuvestors who have driven up prices throughout the country. You're assuming this hasn't priced me out of buying a home. Or if I own a home that I haven't seen significant increases in tax bills from these artificially inflated purchases where the Casey Serins of the world pay for a high appraisal in order to juice the false equity out of a house at the closing table.

You're assuming that I don't live on a street with multiple foreclosures, purchased and then abandoned by Casey Serin and his ilk. You're assuming that I don't have children who are playing outside next to Casey Serin's "seen from space" nuclear green mosquito breeding pool. And that living on such a street hasn't demolished the real value of my own property, while causing me to still pay inflated tax bills.

You're assuming that a family emergency or work relocation hasn't necessitated that I sell my home on a block where banks are offloading properties for seventy cents on the dollar and that, because I cannot ride this out, I'm not going to take a huge loss on my own home.

That's a lot of assuming.

So am I harsh in judging Casey and Galina Serin? Hell no. They've stolen money in order to live a work-free life for the past year and a half. And the ripple effect of this hits all of our back yards. Any further questions on that topic can and should be posited to Rob Dawg, who will explain further just how "victimless" Casey and Galina Serin's crimes really are.

Oh, and one personal truth was revealed to me today...I want to work for Uncle Bill in Redmond. I tell you...you Microsoft people sure have a lot of free time to hang out with the Twelve Years crowd. It speaks volumes about those Mac ad error messages I so frequently see ;-)

Put It All On Red

I have mentioned before that, in previous incarnations, I worked on the Hill. But, with Casey Serin revealing his intentions to sell casinos and get a big win of his own, today seems like an apt day to reveal a little-known Aspeth factoid:

A bridge that I traveled between the public and private sectors was just such an endeavor. I worked as a part of a multi-billion dollar multi-national that handled these types of financial transactions.

Passing a casino from one hand to another is an incredibly complex and fragile spiderweb of intricacies. The reason that these types of firms become involved in these transactions is because few entities have pockets deep enough to facilitate such a deal, and their role is further enhanced with a responsibility to keep everything clean.

In truth, there are only a dozen or so individuals in the U.S. who will qualify to take ownership of this type of property. Far from traditional real estate marketing, this type of effort involves a very short list of potential candidates, and conversations are quick, quiet, and to the point.

Since Casey Serin seems so intent on "selling" his vast real estate/financial/foreclosure experience via books and seminars, I'm not going to give him the cow, so to speak.

But suffice to say that money is just the first hurdle that one encounters in this type of transaction. The Gaming Review Boards are not to be fucked with. To even own a smaller mom-and-pop type casino worth under $10 million, the buyer(s) must first undergo an extensive background check, at their own expense, for the Gaming Review Board to search every nook and cranny of that individual's moral and financial background.

Just having someone like Casey Serin sitting at the table would muddy any potential deal. Hell, let's be honest. Just having someone like Casey Serin licking stamps in the mail room would muddy the deal.

In short, Gaming Review is the licensing body that is charged with ensuring that gambling remains profitable to gamblers, at a minimum of (x) percentage of the time. If you've ever had to get a liquor license, imagine if that process came with an automatic, gigantic anal probe. Now multiply that by ten and you've got the Gaming Review Board.

While the potential buyer(s) writes a blank cheque to the Board to investigate him or her or them, it is necessary for everyone at the table to sit down and pore over the financials. Hey Casey, do you have any fucking idea what EBITDA means? What a fucking multiplier is? Because everyone else at the table does, and they're going to knock you on your ass if you hold up the process.

Financials can be thousands of pages long, earmarking expenses and values of everything from the FF&E to labor to insurance to laundry to contracts. And that's before you even get to the tables and slots.

That's all I'm going to say about the process. It's enough information to point out just how laughable Casey Serin's sad little hope and dream of somehow landing a $1.5 billion whale is. I'm not applying an ounce of sarcasm when I say that he's actually got better statistical odds of winning the lottery, twice, or being directly struck by lightening six times.

Casey, get it through your tiny little bird brain...it's just not that simple. Just because a number is written on the wall doesn't mean it's up for grabs. Let's say that on some distant planet, in some parallel universe (am I speaking your language yet?) that you were actually able to facilitate a buyer and seller in this type of situation.

Let me tell you what would happen next. You would be like a small animal who happened across an elephant just as it was struck dead by a boulder. You might see it first and claim it as your own. But you're just a little guy in the food chain. And bigger carnivores like my team and I would swoop in and make it very clear, very quickly, just how rightfully ours that elephant ass is.

It's a good thing that the nice people at C-net helped you inquire about a job at Jamba Juice (hey, wasn't that your schtick with Nigel as well?) because you might be able to squeeze juice out of pet grass, but you're not going to strike it rich at the casino.

Casey Serin Wants to Sell Casinos

First and foremost this morning, I'd like to thank C-net for including my fuck-filled vitriol against Casey and Galina Serin in the article, "Casey Serin, The World's Most Hated Blogger?"

C-net is even kind enough to use quotes from me, with liberal uses of asterisks:

"That frank admission [of Casey Serin's mortgage fraud] has led to calls to "Send Casey Serin To Prison"--a petition to the FBI has appeared--as well as a similar call targeting his wife."

C-net quotes:

"Casey and Galina Serin's story isn't one of 'Young couple tries to make it in the cold, cruel world,'" one critic wrote. "These two are f****g Bonnie and Clyde. What they're doing is bank robbery, without the gun."

COOL! I'm "one critic" !!!!!!!!!

As Cnet further reported this morning, Casey Serin has so many income irons in the fire, all of us haterz should just shut the hell up.

For one thing, Casey Serin has "learned, through his blog, of a $1.5 billion Las Vegas casino for sale. If he can find a buyer, Serin says, he'd get a 1 percent commission ($15 million) for his trouble. "Doesn't that make more sense than a W-2 job?" he said."

Additionally, Casey Serin's expensive $16,000 course at Nouveau Riche University was NOT all for naught, haterz. "Serin said he has found two people to pay $18,000 to Nouveau Riche, and if he finds any more, he'll get a $9,000 commission for each one, as well as additional commissions if the people he recruited then sign up additional customers.

In an e-mail message over the weekend, Serin added: "The 16K gives me two years of quality (real estate investment) education--gives you college credits--access to cash-flow properties around the nation, local community of investors, etc."

And as for Casey Serin whining about what we Haterz say about him on the internets? According to Casey Serin, ""What happens is I feed off of it," he said. "I know the buttons to press to get those guys going. After awhile, you learn what topics you can mention if you want to get extra comments on your post."

Rob Dawg's here, too..."Everyone has an opinion and anyone can speculate," said Rob Dawg, who runs a popular anti-Serin Web site called Exurbannation. "Is he mentally ill? Mentally feeble? Do his bizarre personal habits affect his judgement or vice versa?" Dawg wrote in e-mail on Friday. "On and on. For many of us, however, Casey has become the eye of the storm, not the storm itself."

Fuck you, Casey Serin. I want to bring back the fucking guillotine and the public square. And as for selling that $1.5 billion casino, my little fucktard, let me just say this.... transactions of that magnitude are handled by multi-national banks, not by little shits who can't even hold a debit card.

So if that's what you're holding out for, I pray that Darwinism takes its toll and you fucking starve to death in one of the richest nations on the planet.

"And your little dog, too" screeched the witch.

What Should Have Been...

Let it be said, I hate the wikinazis.

I had previously developed some strong feelings about them when the "Casey Serin wikipedia" page was under contest. At the time, "R-boy" single-handedly took the lead and kept that page from being deleted entirely. In my mind, the wikinazis were acting as uninformed asses, because there was nothing in the "Casey Serin wikipedia" page that he himself had not put forth on "I Am Facing Foreclosure."

But I just recently did my own battle with the wikinazis, and I have to tell you, what a load of horseshit.

As a part of my Mother's Day prezzie, I wanted to add/create some information on a family member who had designed some significant architecture. Mi madre is a huge fan of genealogy, and she's fascinated by the internets, so I thought this would be a really cool topper to her Mother's Day gift.

Now, as a family member of the individual that I wanted to detail, I have a wealth of source materials at my disposal. Many are, literally, at hand. But the wikinazis were not satisfied with my offer to scan and transmit the original blueprints (at a hefty fucking fee for the oversize behemoths)....nor were they happy with my willingness to scan and post them online so that a proper i-net source was documented. Nope. They were having none of it.

Instead, I had a three-day marathon 'conversation' on my wiki 'talk page' about the topic. During this time, I bowed and scraped like never before...this was, after all, a Mother's Day gift that I was desperately trying to make happen.

There were issues with my topic, my formatting, my credibility. When I raised the slightest 'tone' in my post pages, wiki editors threatened to ban me from the site. And I chewed the inside of my face raw in holding myself back from screaming "Ban me, bitches!!! DO IT!!! I fucking hate all of you!!!!"

People who couldn't create basic noun-verb agreement in their arguments against my edits told me that my additions had no credibility. Even though I was calling and speaking with the topic's source as I typed.

Blagh...sputter....I have no credibility?!?!

For a glimpse inside the mind of a typical wikipedia editor, PLEASE click here. The interminable pages you will find are typical wikispeak, where "editors" gather to breathe in the gases of their own pontificating.

Personally, I have a long-standing professional ban on anything that resembles a 'task force,' 'brainstorming session,' or similar mutual mental masturbation. Wikipedia not only embodies this; it takes it to levels heretofore unknown, even for a former Hill consult.

After three days of playing nice, bitching, begging, threatening, and acquiescing, I managed to add sixteen words to the wiki edits. Honestly, if I hadn't blown those billable hours on wikipedia, I could have sent maman on a very pleasant overseas holiday.

While Wikipedia has become some sort of international standard as a reference source, I just can't take Wikipedia at face value any longer. Because just beneath the surface lies a little wiki human, with just a little bit of wiki power, who's gagging to wield a mighty wiki sword.

Wikipedia pages encourage its users to "Be Bold!" in wiki edits. But the reality couldn't be further from the truth. Wikipedia "editors" truly are little trolls crouched on top of computers who are gagging to control every syllable that crosses their paths.


A Little Levity

Considering the gruesome physical process it takes to become a mother, here's a little something for the ladies on Mother's Day. Personally, I think the chick with the binoculars is the best.

"The Power of Negative Thinking"

Learned sources say that "I Am Facing Foreclosure" has been down since the early a.m. today. Knowing Casey Serin's sleep schedule, that means it will be late afternoon before he even knows the plug has been pulled on his website.

Casey Serin's overwhelming optimism has frustrated readers since last Fall. And, it turns out, there may be scientific data to support the idea that an all-encompassing optimism can actually be very bad for us.

Surgeon Atul Gawande recently published an article in the New York Times that points out that anticipating failure can be an exceptional tool in our arsenals. I thought that since Casey Serin is an avid reader of such psychological profiles, he might learn something here.

Gawande studied the well-publicized failures at Walter Reed Army Medical Center. He wanted to know how a hospital with one of the highest rates of saving lives in triage maintained outpatient facilities where "the brain-injured were denied aid because they couldn't fill out forms."

What he quickly learned was that the hospital staff on the front end--those who provided immediate life-saving medical attention--typically thought in worst-case scenario terms.

"During a visit with colleagues at Walter Reed early in the Iraq war, I was struck, for example, by their attention to eye-injury statistics. Instead of being proud of saving some soldiers from blindness, the doctors asked a harder, more unnerving question: why had so many injuries occurred? They discovered that the young soldiers weren't wearing their protective goggles. Too ugly, the soldiers said. So the military switched to cooler-looking Wiley X ballistic eyewear. The soldiers wore their eyegear more consistently, and the eye-injury rate dropped immediately."

But Walter Reed's high marks caused people in aftercare to buy into their own publicity. They adopted a sense of "We're the best," and failed to ask themselves any of the hard questions that the triage staff were addressing.

The business community has been preaching, and simultaneously running from, the same truth for years. In early contact with clients, we often posit a simple scenario: "Where do you get (x component)?" When they answer, we ask who they use as a back-up if that vendor is unable to deliver a critical component in a rush scenario.

Fortunately, a good number of potential clients have that answer. A shocking percentage do not. For the ones that do have a back-up in place, the follow-up question brings things to a screeching halt. "What if their building burns to the ground just as you need this component? Who do you use then?"

Inevitably, this results in a conference room of, first, uncomfortable laughs, followed by folks quickly looking at one another for answers, then complete silence.

It's hard to get people to change, even when they've paid hefty fees to bring you in to provide such a service for them. So a little shock value has to be thrown into the mix to get people to adapt to a new way of thinking. And that thinking has to be fairly negative.

It was reported that the Pentagon's child care center efficiently evacuated on 9/11 by following the same evac drill they perform once a month. ""Even though confusion was all around them, they remained "pretty calm, as far as what to do," says Shirley Allen, the day-care center's director. "It helped a lot in a real emergency.""

Optimism is a great asset in the midst of a crisis. Certainly, no one is helped when key players fall into panic. But it's the negativity--anticipating future failures that may or may not happen--to get to the point where one can be effective in a crisis.

"For some people, a little pessimism may be a good thing. According to Julie K. Norem and psychologist Nancy Cantor, these people are able to use "defensive pessimism" to prevent the prospect of failure from immobilizing them."

Extensive travel was always a great teacher for me in crisis planning. Before leaving home on extended journeys, I planned for every contingency I could imagine. After a couple of trips, I learned that the things you plan for rarely happen...but elements of those plans become invaluable when faced with the worst.

The eternal optimists who become so entrenched in positive thinking are the ones who get crushed when the chips inevitably fall. They ignore the early warning signs of disaster and allow the problem to snowball. In Casey Serin's scenario, the mantra "it's all good" has no doubt held him back repeatedly from acknowledging, accepting, and adapting to his environment.

Something for you to remember the next time someone tells you to "lighten up."